So yup I moved.
Ya… I’ve been writing and rewriting a first sentence over and over again for this post, but that is literally all I can come up with that feels right. I’ve always known I would leave my hometown. My gut and I have been discussing this for years now so it wasn’t unexpected. I actually pretty much had “packing up all my bullshit and heading anywhere else but Arlington” as an idea since I even knew what Arlington was…
There are maybe 3 things I decided at 16 that I would accomplish when I got older:
- move out of VA
- get the word “hope” tattooed on my left forearm
- win a noble peace price
Honestly, 16 year old me was ambitious and 24 year old me isn’t much different. 1 and 2 are checked off so I’m assuming 3 will be coming along here pretty shortly.
16 year old me was also extremely irrational, rebellious, and well… my gut was pretty incoherent most of the time so listening to it wasn’t my best option.
But at 24, She (yes my gut is female), is doing pretty well for herself. Probably the best functioning part of my body. Its really a shame I keep rewarding her good decisions with beer and shitty pizza, but that is my mouth and brain’s inability to get along… so not exactly either of our faults.
Anyway, so yup I moved. I once thought I was young, wild, and carefree. Turns out I plan everything. Its not just my awful hip flexors that keep my flexibility at bay but also my inability to let go of being in control. So, I was not going to move with out a plan first. I spent three months lying in bed applying to jobs in between mental breakdowns. Its an awful feeling knowing your purpose on earth and not being able to live it out because of a poorly written cover letter…
Here is the thing. I am kind of obsessed with myself. I’ve been working on self love since I was 13 and wrote in my diary that life would be better if I wasn’t in it. So now I’m at a point in my relationship with myself where if it was appropriate to marry yourself I would. That’s probably why I wear so many damn rings…
Well, I knew I wasn’t going to settle. I worked way too damn hard for 6 years straight in school to pick the first job that batted its eyes at me and told me I was pretty. Or no sorry that’s a line for another post. I wasn’t going to pick a job that said cool we don’t care you’ve got two degrees, we want to pay you shit to pretty much do nothing but shovel it. No, I was going to search 5 different job sites till I found one that was worth working. Thankfully my parents love me more than I love myself so they offered me a place in my old bedroom if nothing worked out.
Finally, I found the job I have now. Its crazy because people always ask me “when you were young what did you want to be when you grew up?” I can’t remember. I know it was never a ballerina or singer or Americas next top model. I think I probably said James Bond or Batman or maybe even Wolverine’s claw cleaner. WHO KNOWS. But somehow even with a lack of direction as a kid, a teen, and even a college student I ended up living out my passion everyday.
So yup I moved. I had maybe thought of Asheville once when I was considering colleges. However, I had my heart on San Diego post education, but then money and my gut got together for a few rounds of poker and tequila and decided that dream was not worth betting over.
Asheville and my job popped up on indeed.com (shameless plug because its my hero) and I thought it was an ad. I applied because I was 3 glasses of chardonnay deep and thought “hey Asheville is closer, cheaper, has beer AND this job is kind of my best chance at working with my favorite population so maybe it’s a sign”.
So yup I moved. I got the job. And now I live alone in a city where I had never stepped foot into before moving.
I’ve only felt like I made a wrong decision twice and both times were the day before my period and I had ran out of dark chocolate so my odds of making the right choice are looking up. My dad got me a stun gun and lip stick shaped pepper spray. Sometimes I laugh at how not scared I am to be here. I laugh at how right it was for me to move. I laugh because my god I miss my family and friends but weirdly not enough for my gut to whisper thoughts of leaving.
Like I said, I’ve been dating myself heavily since 13 so living alone on my own hasn’t been too big of a challenge. I also have a knack for making friends because I’m obsessed with people and force most of them to follow me by riding shotgun in my not so well thought out plans.
So yup I moved. My biggest lesson thus far is learn to fucking cook. Another one is, date yourself before you leave. Love yourself before you leave. Cold nights can get real dark and sunny afternoons don’t always feel as warm as they should. If I didn’t have myself I’m not sure how I would have survived this long 8 hours away from everything I’ve known.
So yup I moved. I’m 24 and realizing every day that it doesn’t matter how old you are it just matters how much your gut pays attention to the experiences of life.
So, yup… I finally packed up all my bullshit and moved anywhere else. I’ll write more about Asheville and all the shit you have to learn living alone but right now my gut is uncomfortably full of cold pizza and Guinness so this is all I’m giving you.